As Emma walked into the conference room, she could taste the tension. A major project deadline had been missed, and her team was strung. Some were blaming each other, while others sat in silence, avoiding eye contact. Emma took a deep breath and reminded herself of one crucial skill that had helped her throughout her career:
Rather than succumb to the impulse to leap into loud action, she controlled her breathing, settled her emotions, paused, observed, and listened. Eventually the passions settled and her calm presence centred the room:
“I understand this is a stressful situation,” she began, her voice calm yet firm. “Let’s figure out what went wrong and how we can fix it together.”
Instantly, the atmosphere shifted. The team felt heard instead of persecuted and rather than fueling conflict, they started focusing on solutions.
Understanding Emotional Intelligence vs. Emotional Quotient and the rapidly growing impact of Emotional Resourcefulness (ER)
EI and Emotional Quotient (EQ) are often confused but have distinct meanings:
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions—both in oneself and others. The concept was popularized by psychologists like Daniel Goleman.
Emotional Quotient (EQ) is the measurable score of a person’s emotional intelligence, much like IQ measures cognitive ability.
In short, EI is the skill, and EQ is the measurement of that skill.
ER, or Emotional Resourcefulness, on the other hand, is the extent to which we use EI and the ends to which it is put.
Typical of human nature, there is inevitably a darker side to emotional control.
Why Emotional Intelligence Matters
Emma’s ability to navigate stressful situations highlights why EI is essential. It impacts how we interact with others, manage stress, and make decisions. Used properly it can generate win/win outcomes for all parties. Here’s why it’s so important:
- Stronger Relationships – EI fosters empathy, communication, and conflict resolution, improving personal and professional connections.
- Better Leadership & Teamwork – Emotionally intelligent leaders, like Emma, inspire trust and collaboration.
- Smarter Decision-Making – High-EIQ individuals stay rational under pressure, leading to better problem-solving benefitting all concerned.
- Greater Resilience & Stress Management – EI helps in handling setbacks with grace and perseverance.
- Enhanced Self-Awareness & Growth – Understanding emotions leads to better self-regulation and fulfilment.
The Growing Need for Emotional Intelligence
Two decades ago, leadership was about authority. Today, it’s about influence. EI continues to rise on polls assessing the importance of leadership traits. So why is EI become increasingly important?
- Workplace Evolution – Collaborative leadership requires emotional intelligence.
- Rising Workplace Stress – The pandemic and economic challenges have increased stress, making EI a survival skill.
- Technological Shifts – As automation takes over technical tasks, soft skills like empathy and adaptability become more valuable.
- Changing Expectations – Employees and consumers expect emotionally intelligent interactions.
- Mental Health Awareness – Organizations prioritize psychological safety, increasing EI’s importance.
- Different Generations and more diversity at Work – Very different behavioural norms are at play simultaneously calling for more than a single-size response.
How to Strengthen Your Emotional Intelligence and become more Emotionally Resourceful
Improving EI and converting it to ER takes practice. Emma didn’t always have it—she developed it. Leadership development programmes and initiatives increasingly focus around cultivating EQ to:
Develop Self-Awareness – Reflect on emotions and seek feedback.
Improve Self-Regulation – Pause before reacting and develop strategies for managing stress effectively.
Strengthen Empathy – Actively listen and consider others’ perspectives.
Enhance Social Skills – Communicate clearly and resolve conflicts constructively.
Stay Motivated & Positive – Set meaningful goals and build resilience.
There are steps that we can all take in our everyday interactions, especially when using “social” technology.
Emotional Intelligence in the Digital World
Online communication lacks tone and body language, making EI even more vital:
Pause Before Posting – Avoid impulsive reactions.
Regulate Emotions Online – Don’t engage in digital conflicts.
Practice Digital Empathy – Read messages carefully and assume good intent.
Manage Social Media Stress – Take breaks, restore agency over your devices and cultivate a positive online space.
Leaders and Emotional Intelligence
Emma’s leadership success stems from her EI. Here’s how leaders can improve their own:
Develop Self-Awareness – Recognize and manage emotional triggers.
Enhance Self-Regulation – Retain agency. Stay composed under pressure.
Cultivate Empathy – Validate emotions, listen deliberately and understand team concerns.
Improve Communication – Provide clear, constructive feedback. Involve and consult more.
Inspire & Motivate Teams – Align goals with values and celebrate achievements.
The Perception of Gen Z & Victimhood
Emotional Intelligence is a trans-generational challenge but is especially relevant to digital natives. Some say Gen Z “claims victimhood” more than previous generations. The truth, of course, is more nuanced:
Mental Health Awareness – Gen Z is open about struggles, reducing stigma.
Social Media’s Influence – Visibility of challenges creates perception biases.
Advocacy vs. Endurance – Gen Z pushes for systemic change instead of suffering in silence.
Cultural Shifts – Emotional intelligence is more valued, reducing tolerance for outdated behaviours.
Economic & Global Challenges – Rising costs and instability make struggles real and valid.
Over-Personalization of Struggles
Over-personalization happens when common challenges feel like personal injustices:
Workplace Challenges – Viewing feedback as an attack instead of an opportunity.
Economic Hardships – Blaming external factors without personal accountability.
Social Disagreements – Treating differing opinions as personal attacks.
Why does this happen?
Social Media Algorithms amplify emotional responses.
Awareness of Inequality makes struggles feel deeply personal.
Therapy-Speak in Daily Life sometimes misuses psychological terms.
Validation Culture reinforces certain mindsets.
Balancing Awareness & Responsibility
Acknowledge real issues but recognize personal agency.
Separate emotions from facts.
Focus on solutions, not just problems.
Build resilience through adaptability.
Cutting to the Chase
Emma didn’t start as a naturally emotionally intelligent leader. She took opportunities. She learned from mistakes and successes. She listened. She grew. Emotional intelligence is a skill—one that can be developed to build stronger relationships, make better decisions, and lead with confidence. In today’s world, it’s not just a “nice-to-have”—it’s essential. But the cynics persist.
The Power and Pitfalls of Sensitivity:
Do you remember when sensitive people were simply called “too emotional”? Back then, sensitivity was often ridiculed—seen as a weakness or a lack of resilience. The world celebrated the “tough” ones: stoic, unbothered, and emotionally untouchable.
But with time and experience, a new truth has emerged: sensitivity is not weakness—it’s awareness and that can be a resource.
Sensitive people feel deeply. Their emotional radar picks up subtle cues that others miss. They notice tone shifts, body language, undercurrents in conversations. This makes them intuitive, creative, and often, deeply empathetic. In a world where much is different, daily, that values emotional connection and psychological safety, these traits are powerful and potentially beneficial or resourceful
Yet, like any strength, sensitivity has its challenges. Left unchecked, it can become overwhelming—like trying to navigate the world with the volume turned up too high. Or it can be used for malign or selfish intent. But when developed and managed well, it becomes the foundation of true emotional intelligence.
Not all sensitivity, however, is the same.
Some individuals use their emotional awareness not for connection, but for control. Think of the spider weaving an emotional web—carefully crafted to ensnare. These are the passive-aggressive manipulators. They recognise the resourceful potential of emotional connection and create buzz and attention with few moral boundaries, stir up conflict, play the victim, and exploit empathy to get their way. It’s a distorted form of emotional intelligence: awareness without integrity.
In the digital age, this manipulation readily finds fertile ground and reward. Social media becomes the web. A single emotionally charged post—crafted to outrage or trigger—can spiral into viral influence. These “emotional spiders” gain validation through likes, shares, and attention. They thrive not on connection, but on control.
This is the darker side of emotional intelligence—where empathy becomes strategy, and emotions are tools for manipulation rather than understanding.
But let’s not confuse this with true emotional intelligence.
True EI empowers. It’s about building bridges, not burning them. It helps leaders inspire, teams collaborate, and individuals grow. It recognizes the power of emotion—but grounds it in self-awareness, empathy, and responsibility.
So where does that leave us?
It’s a delicate balance. Emotions and sensitivity have fast become commodities. Emotional intelligence or resourcefulness is a tool, and like any tool, it can be used to create or destroy.
Will we use our sensitivity to connect, uplift, and understand?
Or will we weaponize emotion to manipulate, dominate, and divide?
In a world overflowing with noise, buzz, outrage, and emotional overwhelm, tuning into our emotional intelligence—with integrity—at home and at work – is not just wise. It’s essential. This is why we’re seeing such a rapid rise in emotional intelligence as a characteristic trait or competency that leaders need to master in order to become and remain future fit. It’s no longer the domain of the artist too sensitive for business. In many regards, like it or not, it is modern business.
So how are you helping your leaders navigate and develop these skills to remain future fit?
(Mosaic Partners’ trademarked Future Focused Leadership Traits, just part of the Mosaic Magic suite)
“Ever squeezed a wonky table tennis ball?”
That was the question I was asked by one of the most pragmatic internal change agents I’ve met, while I was running a so-called” transformation masterclass” recently
“You see, if the ping pong ball gets damaged, if you use force to restore it, as you apply pressure in one area, all it does is pop out in another. So, what you need to do instead is float it in a beaker of hot water. This subtler action equalises the force on the system and, with any luck, it re-forms, like magic “
An odd but actually a great analogy.. come to think of it, it’s the very reason why our organisation development transformation system, (the Mosaic magic) has seven parts, or stations and why we always analyse transformation challenges from each of these points.
When the organisation’s culture has been bent or bashed out of shape by a series of incidents or the more subtly relentless forces of change (as every culture does, from time to time), blunt trauma solutions never work (like single events or passionate speeches). The only sustainable solution is to develop a transformation programme that slowly heats up or energises the environment on several fronts at once and if this is achieved, systematically, it gradually assumes the right shape.
In true hero’s change journey style. it’s most effective to start with the what, by crafting or reiterating an inspiring purpose, vision, value-set and transformation strategy. Positioning the colleague life-cycle from attraction through to departure in this context is a real opportunity to differentiate the brand and reassure as well as engage. So (top tip) do make sure that your communications colleagues are in the camp of champions.
The bulk of the work (the how, when and where) comes next, namely designing the culture development initiatives that will unite and focus the key change community, the first line managers.
Then, most importantly, back up the supportive words and intentions with intense but persistent leadership development. Coaching and mentoring of the most important influencers, equips them to take accountability (it’s what they’re paid for after all) and to be the change you need to see.
This may sound like common sense for those with the tender touch and emotional intelligence. But in our experience, systemic sense like this is far from common in the board room where cost and margin dominates the agenda, making the role of the internal change agent far from easy. Oddly, the fact that costs mount and margin disappears in the face of disengaged, tired and subversive colleagues, seldom gets a mention when the monthly beans are being counted (but that’s a tale for another day).
The person at the center of this particular story was attending the workshop because, by their own admittance, they had been bent out of shape by the relentless pressure of trying to apply this logical approach in an environment that persistently put people investment last. For a while, they had given up hope and had fallen into the trap of following the cynics down the energy drains.
It happens to us all, at times. But when the pressure builds, the answer’s usually the same:
> Firstly run towards the challenges in the dark cave (it’s where the greatest gains are to be found)- > Secondly, embrace the negative feedback from stakeholders, fold it into a deliberate strategy and plan and use the energy to re-shape and bounce back.
It does seem counter-intuitive to reach for the boiling water when the culture is wonky.
But remember the table-tennis analogy and use the balance of the force.
So – Ping pong anyone?
Times are tough, right?
So what’s the point of reviewing performance?
Any business founder or forward- thinking CEO will tell you that cultivating, expanding and then sustaining a business brings many challenges.
These are amplified during periods of perpetual pressure.
But why does the simple act of plugging employees into the core goals of the business present as a dark and troublesome chore, just when you need your team to step up?
It’s tricky assigning goals to people for many reasons. With five generations working together, many employees resent alignment, authority and accountability and especially don’t like to be told what to do. Yet decent performance has very little to do with a good “telling to” .
The golden thread connecting business goals to individual objectives really should be what entices employees to go the extra mile, the stuff that could make the critical difference to the business. But why do employees hate appraisals?
And why does the very concept of a performance review or process give so many managers sleepless nights?
Well, the simple answer is: they’re not skilled or confident enough to operate the process properly.
The competencies required are seldom cultivated or taught and the process becomes laden with negativity, especially when employees don’t have the same skin in the game as their line managers looking to set their goals.
As recently as last year, a major global consultancy firm claimed that over half the business leaders they consulted were considering abandoning their performance review process completely.
- When pushed, they gave reasons like:
1. “It’s not worth the time needed to fill out the forms”
2. “The process leads to divisive and negative conversations that undermine morale”
3. “ Younger employees especially, struggle with any hint of authority”
As a consequence, some high-profile organisations are experimenting with letting performance reviews slide.
While it may be trendy to bash appraisals, is it fair or even wise to undermine the process?
In my view, it’s madness, especially now.
So let me (briefly) debunk the excuses:
1. Time: It’s no surprise to me that the same leaders who blame process and can’t find the time often complain how hard it is to attract and retain employees or to cultivate a performance culture. Their behaviour is clearly the challenge, not the forms. What is more important than focus and encouragement, improvement and adjustment?
Their leaders need to re-frame the process; ensure every employee has clear and evolving goals and objectives and that they review them regularly with their line manager in short, focused sessions rather than treating it as an annual chore.
2. Negativity: Feedback and coaching skills don’t come naturally to most. If your process is driving cynicism, you’re not doing it right. Consider training or leadership coaching based on simple principles.
3. Authority: Again, positioning is key and this reaction suggests that your line managers need some development support. Accountability is a non-negotiable for all employees and if communicated appropriately, it should be a source of recognition and appreciation, a positive that bonds and inspires.
It’s a shocking realisation for some, I know, but companies really don’t exist solely for the benefits of their employees. Their purpose is to deliver the vision and objectives of the organisation. Hopefully their goals are balanced enough to include social and colleague metrics and will predominantly be linked to all-important customer and shareholder satisfaction. Even third-sector institutions get how important balance is.
The needs of colleagues, owners, customers and other stakeholders shouldn’t be mutually exclusive and won’t be seen that way, if the leaders are doing their job well.
The performance management system is a critical people process. It should help create and then cultivate the golden thread between corporate vision and employee contracts to drive performance, recognition and reward.
So it’s not only unwise to ignore PM.
It’s dangerously irresponsible.
We’ve recently helped one of the region’s largest building organisations re-construct their leadership development programme on the back of their approach to performance management. They’ve won awards for the resulting process. Their directors credit the resulting behaviour as the primary reason for their counter-cyclical positive performance as a business.
So if you’re tempted by the dark lure of the cynical chatter, try concentrating on re-engineering the way your leaders engage with others about their performance instead.
As their highly-rated HRD is fond of saying:
“it ain’t what you do but the way that you do it”.How are your results?
Ian Buckingham is Mosaic’s Strategy Partner and Consultancy lead. and the CIPD’s former #HRFixer.
This article was originally commissioned by our client Bradley Hall for Portfolio North magazine. Do connect with them on Linkedin for property and business updates from across the North and North East.
